I Was Unprepared that High School = Homecoming

About ten weeks ago my oldest son started high school and with it has brought many new experiences. Of course there is now the significance of grades from this point forward being on a transcript. I get less information on what homework and projects are due—I do have online access to every grade on every assignment, but Oldest shares less homework and project info as compared to middle school.

Secondly, I have experienced Oldest being on a high school sports team: cross country (this is in addition to his playing on a rec baseball team). I took him to his first meet a couple months ago at 6:30 a.m. and it may have been the lack of sleep, or my perpetual PMS-ishness, but I was teary-eyed seeing my sports filled years of Saturdays transform from a field of little boy bodies to a larger group of teenage, muscular bodies. All the high schoolers were so supportive and kind to each other. In the midst of this maturity, when I returned home I proceeded to cook everything from the refrigerator that needed cooking, prepared salads that needed fixing, and made two batches of muffins from boxes found on the shelf.

And then all of a sudden I heard about an upcoming homecoming dance from Hubs, after High School son gave him the deets first.

Let’s back up to the cross country team as this is significant to the story. Oldest Son hedged back and forth between wanting to join, worried that it might conflict with baseball games, but at the 11^th hour decided to join—turns out he is friends with a girl (we’ll call her Sarah) who was joining the team. Being on the team means that there’s practice every day after school, and we told Oldest Son he needed to speak up and find out carpool arrangements. Hubs became the Friday driver, which means he had a leg up on the high school scoop. In addition to Sarah, there is another girl on the team (we’ll call her Danielle) in this carpool, and Hubs observed both of them, joking around with Oldest, shoving him in the arm, etc. So Hubs assumed either Sarah or Danielle liked Oldest, but he assumed wrongly. As it turns out, these two girls have boyfriends, but they have taken our son under their wing and encouraged him to 1). Join cross country…2). Go to the Homecoming Dance …. And 3). Provide guidance on how to dress.

Oldest Son and many of his guy friends decided to go to the Homecoming Dance without bringing “a girl” but instead making it a dates and singles group event. These girls are very organized and told the guys that there would be pictures at a designated park at 5:00, dinner at a particular restaurant with a fixed price of $20 including tip, transportation by various named parents to the dance, and then transportation to Sarah’s house for a party, which would last till 2:00 a.m. (WTW? Hubs was the softie on this part, not me. In fact, Hubs was the softie on all parts of this, which is très interesting because he is the strictest Dad on the block and some of Oldest’s friends had him as a teacher so there is no mistaking this).

When the subject of dance attire was brought up, Hubs and I were at a loss, but thanks to Sarah, she advised Oldest a week prior, that she had just bought a dress at Express and she noticed that they had a young men’s dept and that he should wear dress pants, dress shoes, solid shirt and a tie and no jacket needed. In fact, she told him, “I have a coupon that is $20 off a $100 purchase” and that she’d drop it by our mailbox that day on the way to an errand with her mom. Net yet met her.....but I like this Sarah a lot. Except for the fact that Oldest would be purchasing costlier clothes than I have bought in years. Oh well.

Hubs took him to one store for black dress pants, at which time I don’t know why but he felt he had to call me with an update from the dressing room. Then they went to Express and bought a bright shirt, and a tie and a black belt. The young, male sales rep directed them to DSW for the black shoes that Oldest admired on the mannequin. How funny. Last time I walked by that store with the boys and I wanted to go in because the shoe sirens inside were beckoning me with their Lorelei song, Oldest moaned and groaned.

So he went to the Homecoming Dance and had a good time. While Hubs and I were at home I had an epiphany about our future. When the boys were really young, Hubs and I might have traded off on who would get up early if need be for the kids. So now in the future, will we have to coordinate who has to stay up late I asked him?? (he stayed up late this time and whenever the next special event occurs it’ll probably be him again).

Well, besides items #1, #2 and #3 above, it turns out that Sarah has also provided Oldest with item #4: Introduce him to a friend of hers who was at the Homecoming Dance, and her Homecoming after-party, but does not attend their school and now they are “an item”.

Then the following weekend it turns out that Sarah and my Oldest’s new "friend" were in a performance on stage together and Oldest was invited by Sarah and her parents, and by Kristen, to attend. Sarah then advised Oldest that he should wear khaki’s, and a nice Polo shirt and be at his house at 5:45 and that after the performance two sets of parents would drive them back to her house for dessert and then her dad would bring Oldest home (these are more details than Oldest has ever had to coordinate on his own in his life).

Well, after two baseball games that Saturday and a two-hour timeframe left for shopping, Hubs and I had to tag team it on a mission to buy new clothes again for Oldest. Plus, Hubs suggested to Oldest that he gives Kristen a small bouquet of flowers after the performance.

I was going to hit a TJ Maxx to the south, followed by Trader Joes for flowers, and Hubs and Oldest would hit a TJ Maxx to the north, followed by Kohls and another shoe store if needed. Both cell phones were charged and ready. Between the two of us calling each other three times and with Oldest on the phone as well, we scored on khakis and socks at Kohls, Polo shirts and a brown belt from two TJ Maxx', Sperry top-siders from Shoe Gallery, and flowers from Trader Joe’s.

After Oldest returned home (at 10:00 p.m.), he told us that Sarah’s boyfriend had also brought flowers for Sarah, so I gave Hubs a high-five for his flowers idea. Oldest told us that after the performance he rode in the car with Kristen and her parents over to Sarah’s house for dessert, at which time he was asked if he knew where he wanted to go to college and what he wanted to study. I said to Hubs, “Jeez, he just turned 14 four months ago.” And Hubs said to me, “But dang he had an answer!”.

So. Pheww. I am worn out just from writing all of this. I wanted to share the news to those of you who have not yet been down this route (or to those of you who’ve been there to humor me as I don’t even have a driver in the house yet)….that along with all the new experiences and changes that high school brings, do not be surprised when 8 weeks into it, you hear about Homecoming. I also wanted to thank those of you with daughters for their helping to keep sons organized with the weekend plans and clothing requirements (and I am totally being serious and not snarky).

As far as this weekend goes, I am just thrilled that two out of three are still young enough to go trick-or-treating on Sunday, and that maybe I’ll play with G.I. Joe guys with Youngest on Saturday.

We Get the Full Moon on Friday

Doesn't it seem like just a couple weeks ago we saw the orangish glowing, low-set Harvest Moon? Now it's time for October's Hunter's Moon. This is the time of year when the leaves are falling, and the game is hunted to stock up for winter.

Technically the moon will be at its fullest in the wee hours of Saturday.

Baseball season has ended here so no more full moon rising over the field as I sit on the bleachers. Too bad it is not next weekend when the ghosts and goblins will be out in the 'hood.

Be sure to take a few moments to gaze at the Hunter's Moon amidst the hunting and gathering over the weekend!

Parenting on Saturday

My Middle School son has a group of friends that he likes to meet at a park nearby for skateboarding. A couple of years ago we made the transition to allow him to ride his bike or skateboard to this park (at first he had to go with his older brother) alone, or to a friend’s house, and be home at a designated time. This skatepark is next door to the baseball fields and hockey rink so many times he will be there while we are watching one of his brothers’ baseball games (it is very busy with parents nearby watching these games).

We are strict parents regarding cell phones. We don’t yet see the need for our sons to have one at school, but we do have extra phones we’ve added on to our family plan, and we refer to them as the red phone and the white phone, and when they leave the house on the weekend they put a phone in their pocket.

Over the weekend Hubs and I went to Youngest’s baseball game and brought along Middle Son who went to the skatepark and then we left him there afterwards with instructions to be home at 5:30. Hubs and I went back home and then we had to divide and conquer a tag-team shopping expedition for our High School son who needed a new clothes ensemble within two hours for an event that night. Hubs and Oldest left the house. I was getting ready to leave with Youngest and my phone rings and it is Middle Son.

“Hi Mom, I’m with my friends at the skatepark and there is a guy I have seen a few times here and he can take us to another skatepark and he is old enough to drive and one of my friends knows him--“.

Me: “OHHHH NOOO. NO WAY ABSOLUTELY NOT YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE IN A CAR WITH ANYONE. DO YOU HEAR ME????!!? I’m Glad you called me, BUT NOOO”

Him: “OK”.

A few months ago I had a terrorizing dream in which this Middle Son of mine arrives home from the skatepark and non-challantly tells me that he accepted a ride from a male stranger. I screamed and practically fell to my knees (in my dream) over the horror and shock that he got into a car. Nothing happened to him in my dream, but in my dream we then found out that this man lived nearby and was indeed a pedophile. Of course in my dream I went ballistic demanding of him to know why on earth he would do that, after everything we have taught him (!!!).

In real life after this dream, I was driving Middle Son somewhere and told him about this dream and he was like, “Mom, I would never get in a car with stranger!!! Come on!!

In real life I had just found this website in which you can enter your zip code, and then see the names and faces of convicted pedophiles, which, when viewed, causes me to stop breathing and then my skin turns to goosebumps.

So back to this past Saturday, having made my point with Middle Son, I get off the phone. I recalled my bad dream from a few months before about accepting a ride from a stranger. I then went into the laundry room, closed the door, and called Hubs on his cell. And then I freaked the fuck out.

Me (with shaky voice that went up an octave with each word): “Middle Son just called me from the skatepark and asked if he could go with his friends and a stranger to another skatepark and I said No (and now starting to cry and shout) and you know I had a Bad Experience once!

Hubs, “I know, OK, I’ll call him and why don’t you go over there.”

The skatepark is just 4 minutes away, and on the way to a TJ Maxx and Target, for the 2-hour Mission to find clothes for High School son. I called Middle Son back and he said that no one was going anywhere, and the stranger was one of his friend’s cousins but since he wasn’t allowed to go anywhere, no one was going to go anywhere. Well, alrighty then. I went on to TJ Maxx.

* * * * * *

I had a childhood abuse experience at age 6 that I never given a conscious thought until just the past few years. When I was 6 years old we moved from Calif to a tiny, town in Florida on the Gulf for several months. I had to finish the last couple months of first grade with a really mean teacher. My mother, brother and I lived with my grandmother a couple of blocks from the beach. My brother would go to the pier and fish and we made friends with another family or two with girls. There was a single man, about age 55 that people knew, I think just from being at the beach. He hung out with kids. And sometimes I was at the beach with no adults. On one of those adult-less days he told me he wanted me to meet some friends of his at another part of the beach. So I got in his car and we drove the two minutes to another street, went onto the beach, looked around for his friends, got back into his car, and returned back to the same part of the beach. Nothing happened that day. But then another time I was in the ocean with him and there were people I knew up on the beach. I was wearing a bright orange one-piece bathing suit with a white ruffle down the front. He held me and floated me around in circles around him. And then he took his fingers and rubbed all around my private parts and I knew that he shouldn’t. He asked me if that felt good and I said No. So he stopped.

I told my mom that night, and I remember she was mad. She mentioned it to a friend of hers who was the mom of my friend. This woman told my mom that of her 3 daughters, it happened to my friend too sometime previously. One day soon after, our moms and us girls were at the beach eating peanut butter on saltines and this man, this pedophile, approached as usual and said hello. The way our moms handled it was to turn their backs and not reply. We moved back to Calif a couple of months later.

* * * * *

Three years later when I was 9 I was once again on the Gulf but just on vacation. My brother and I and a bunch of kids were in the ocean. Back then you would swim till you could barely touch, and then step way up onto a sandbar and reach down and pull up sand dollars and star fish and look at horseshoe crabs. I was about to step up but I lost my footing and I was gulping water and I was panicking. I remember gasping for air and couldn’t get any and the rest of the kids were on the sandbar. Then a man lifted me up. It was that same man. “Do you remember me?” I asked him? Yes, he told me he remembered me. I never saw him again and never thought about this again until a few years ago.

* * * * *

So later that day this past Saturday I picked up my Middle Son and the first thing he said when he got in the car was that he would not have gone anywhere with anyone after hearing me say no. He said that Dad had also called him and told him I was pretty upset. We had a good age-appropriate conversation that night about how the day will come when he will drive with his friends but he is not there yet. And when that day comes there will be times that someone makes a suggestion about maybe going somewhere or going inside an open door of a building or something and even if you are not doing anything, just by association you can get into trouble and it will be on your record.

They say that growing old is not for sissies and parenting isn’t either.

Ooops We Missed Trash Day

This is what the side of our curb looks like on trash day once a week:


On that particular day the three recyclables bins may have been a little extra full due to the boxes that were sent to us from Ebayers with the G.I. Joe guys.

Well, in this family of 5, not one of us remembered to put the trash can and the recylables out to the curb a couple days ago. Typically on Wednesday nights Hubs and I have to tell the boys to put the trash out. They each take either a recycler bin, or the one not fast enough to bring out a recycler (as I call it), is stuck rolling/pulling the big trash bin down a few stairs, up the side yard to the curb. And then the next day they know (or rather they have to be told?!?) to put the cans back (the recycle bins are kept in the garage).

For this next week....we're gonna need a bigger bin.

I'm Taking Vitamins Now

A few weeks ago I had one of those routine physicals where about a gallon of blood (Rh negative, mind you) is put into many vials. I really, really like this doc and found her four years ago when I was super sick with bronchitis and had not yet searched for a doctor for myself or Hubs after moving. I called several only to be told they could see me in a week or so, but her office asked if I could be in within 30 minutes.

At my visit I told her I think I am definitely in the menopause process and had been having some big time hot flashes and I had already searched around the internet for vitamin ideas and bought myself Vitamins E, C, B-6 and B-12 and Black Cohosh. She thought all of those were a good idea and she stated that magnesium has helped some people with headaches.

She said that one test will be for vitamin D deficiency because many of us are deficient and studies are showing that can contribute to heart issues and cancer. She said she would prescribe an Rx for Vit.D which is taken once a week for 3 months and then she would retest and that she has seen it make a difference, as compared to just the over-the-counter Vit D. I was suspicious that she was talking about an Rx for me before she received my labwork. It is completely my nature to question this, despite all of the things I like about her.

Sure enough, when she called me a week later with the results she said that I am low in Vit.D. I was so unmotivated to get the Rx that the pharmacy called me two times and then finally put it back on the shelf to restock…. So even though we have a good relationship and even though this doc has proven many times to be the kind of doc that I want, my Rx/doctor radar kicks in and before I pay for it I do some research….even for a super-duper once-a-week vitamin. I did end up picking up the Rx and now I have a Friday date with D for a few months. I am trying to make the other vitamins/herbs I mentioned as a habit but some nights I just forget. It's like chicken soup--it can't hurt, right?

And although the doctor did not tell me the specific numerical level, I am indeed beginning menopause according to the labwork (but I knew that). What I do like is that she did not offer an Rx for this. Perhaps she was waiting to see if I asked but I didn’t. I am happy to report that the hot flashes have gone away, or at least been reduced by 90%, and it may be cyclical anyway, or maybe the vitamins have helped.

I relayed to Hubs that Yep, the doc says I’m starting menopause—which BTW I have announced to him every so often for the past 2 years, bet I believe most men need some scientific support data on the side. I’m really not sure yet what I intend or where I am going with a conversation when I make these announcements. I’ll think of something. Now that I have scientific evidence.

Hairy Things

I bet my husband could take the cake for having the hairiest arms ever. I'm glad he has some hair because I have a pretty good amount of arm hair and I would not want to be the hairier one.



So mostly when we have mashed potatoes I prefer to do the mashing........ but last night he did:

The photo doesn't do all that strawberry-blonde hairiness justice. Years ago one of his fellow teachers had a daughter in his class and the mom told me the kids all went berserk when he was using an overhead projector and the light magnified his hairs like giant creatures on the whiteboard.

Over the weekend I got some Halloween decorating done. I bought a bag of plastic, hairy centipedes and ....ugh plastic roaches and I couldn't resist putting a little sticky glue on the back and putting a couple on the walls inside. I scared one out of 4 people who live here. But I have to admit sometimes they catch me off-guard.....



Here is a cute hairy thing:

Had a little bit of a hairy situation after baseball on Saturday. I watched Youngests’ game and Hubs and Oldest joined at the end as their game had just ended. Then Youngests’ game ended and we were all starving and I said I would bring home some takeout food for a late lunch, and Hubs and Oldest went home. Then Youngest begged to stay after for 15 minutes and play “Pickle” with the other boys. Well, Middle School son was in another spot at the park nearby so I found him pretty quickly, told him to skateboard on over to Youngest, watch him, and I’d be back in 10 mins tops with food (the food places are very close by). Of course once in the fast food drive through, the lady in front of me ordered practically everything off the menu. I thought about how I should have asked Middle School son to advise any other parent who wondered that he was Youngest’s brother and in charge of him. As soon as I got my food I got a call from another mom I know who was still at the park…….asking if I needed help bringing Youngest home or something. I filled her in that there should be a skater dude nearby and….he was. However, I am sure other parents who’d been there must have thought, WTH? I could be blog fodder for them!

Retro Guys

A few years ago I was searching the stores for some G.I. Joe guys for my youngest son for his birthday. I remembered that when our older two sons were younger they had some G.I. Joes, but the12 inch guys seem to have disappeared from retail stores. All I could find were the 3 inch guys and vehicles.

Then I signed up for Ebay. I went a little crazy.
I was pretty proud of myself for being so organized with shopping a whole month before his birthday. Boxes started arriving every day. Soon I had a humongous stack of boxes hidden in my bathroom (we have a huge, hideous master bath). Then I bought some plastic bins and tackle type boxes for storing all of the guy's clothes and accessories. And there were vehicles for the guys (that's what we call them around here..."Why don't you play with your guys").
I have to say it was almost overwhelming on his birthday a few years ago with box after box and bag after bag of cool guy items to be unwrapped. But they were a big hit and when his friends came over there was a lot of guys being flung off the deck. Sometimes missing limbs were found in the grass after the lawn was mowed. Sometimes, all a guy had left was his butt:

So this year, about a month before my Youngest's birthday I suggested we get out all the boxes and bins and check out the status. There were only about 3 (from the 15 or so) guys left with all limbs and a head attached. We organized clothes, the 20 pairs of boots, the weapons, and mentally compiled a wish list. And then off to Ebay I went again...and this time he had fun with me bidding on items. But then since I was so on the ball and did this a month before his birthday, he sort of forgot exactly what was being delivered to the house. He now has about 12 guys again, and a ton of weapons, and even a scuba guy with a large raft and harpoon that Hubs has dubbed "Whale Wars".

And there were also some Hess trucks/motorcycles/space shuttles (Youngest coveted the Hess trucks from an older cousin in Florida for years so I usually find one or two on Ebay).

As a parent you gotta enjoy this kind of gift-giving (and play) while you can, because before you know it the coveting involves just electronic things and super expensive single-items. With the holidays coming I wanted to share some ideas! Plus, who knows, these G.I. Joe guys could become collector items (if the body parts stay intact!).

Fall Ball, and What? No Blog Fodder?

Last year I posted about the parents that annoyed me at the youth baseball games and how the snacks we have to provide at dinnertime get on my last nerve. But I have to say that Youngest has been on the best team ever this fall. And between the three boys and lots of teams, this is big!

First, the moms all introduced themselves to each other the first day, one by one as they joined the bleachers. Next, the coaches (volunteer dads) are firm but kind to the boys. last spring the coaches were sarcastic and never spoke to the parents after the games. Third, all the boys are friendly and as mature as possible in the dugout (in the spring one of the coach's son was one of the worst behaved boys ever).

Plus, when Youngest was sick and showed up to take the team picture (but had to miss the game) he told his teammates that he even had to cancel his b-day party.....a mom drove over his snack and a card signed by all the boys and the coaches. And, this is the first time that coaches approached Hubs and said they noticed that Youngest has a strong arm and would he like to pitch (former coaches only had their own son pitch). (Hubs coaches Eldest).

So yes, there is a snack schedule, but it has been low-key and the niceness of the parents and team rise above my beef about not needing a snack at 7:30 or 9:00 p.m.

So, I am happy to report that this is really the best fall ball ever and have no snark or stories to report. Except for this little tidbit........

One mom brought Chick-Fil-A nuggets for a snack for her own son right after they practiced one day before a game started. She fed them by hand to her son's mouth because she told him he had been touching the ball and his hand may be dirty. But that's all I have!