February Breakthrough

So far February has been a huge dose of the usual days and nights of my life as a wife, mother of three, (more specifically an older mother of three with increasingly annoying hot flashes), and a paycheck-earner.

Sometimes when Monday morning arrives I think about how I did nothing for myself on the weekend, (other than go to the library and get books and magazines that sometimes don’t get read), or did nothing as a couple alone.  This usually happens after a jam-packed weekend of the usual: errands, cleaning, cooking, transporting kids and lots of food shopping.  This typically follows a work-week of working, errands, cleaning, cooking, food shopping, transporting kids, and six-hour sleeps.

It is noted that Hubs has similar work weeks and weekends, minus the food shopping and cooking, tasks replaced by some weekends tutoring his students, and working in his classroom, and other chores.

But back to me.  The lack of time for me, my dreams, my leisure, my closet, my grooming…..can really lead to a frustrated state of mind.

But the frustration doesn’t stay long, and for that I am grateful.

Hubs and I are going to a wedding Saturday night which works for us as a date.  There will be me-time with make-up, perfume, new shoes (hence a lunchtime errand), a hair appointment, (and putting on Spanx in private) and in the evening there will be witnessing of vows, dinner, dancing, and reminiscing.  And no sitter back at home to coordinate or pay.

I have told the boys the following so many times this week they probably think I am losing my short-term memory:  “Dad and I are going out Saturday night from 5:00 to almost midnight.  You will be home.  You will be good to each other.  You will not be driven anywhere after Saturday afternoon.”

So that has me perked up about the weekend.  And then yesterday I saw something so beautiful while driving to work that I was uplifted about the work week.  It had snowed about an inch overnight and the lawns, houses and foliage were covered in white.  Since the snow was so lightweight, there was a lot of it cradled in all of the trees.  The sky was blue, which hasn’t been seen in days, and the morning sun was shining on the snow-covered trees near and far.  It was breathtaking.  The same street scenes seen every day were glowing.  I usually don’t talk out loud when I am alone but I said, “So….Incredibly….. Beautiful”.  And I just soaked it in during my 20 minute drive.  I even waited till I was parked at work to put on my mascara.

The morning beauty had me spinning my thoughts around.  At first I was negative and hard on myself with:  “Oh, why don’t I have my camera.  Well, no matter ‘cause it’s not like I can pull over and take photos, running late and all."  But then I told myself that it was OK that I didn’t have my camera with me, just like it is OK to be me and just make banana or pumpkin bread without stopping to place a little pumpkin next to the bowl and photo it. 

It’s OK to be me and work even when I don’t want to and instead felt grateful that we have jobs and can pay most of the bills.  It is OK that I didn’t get to have much time to myself last weekend because I will make time this weekend.  Instead of thinking of how worn out we are with giving the boys lectures on something that invariably comes up every day, I thought of a good time or a good laugh I had with each of the boys in the last week in between all that parenting.

When I left work and drove home, all traces of the snow in the trees or on the ground were gone.  But my feelings of well-being remained this morning.  Even after a new week night event that involved parental lecturing and training.