The Not So Secret Life of the Teenager

A couple of weeks ago our 10th grade son told us about a big incident going on at high school that involved 11th and 12th graders.  A 12th grade boy was texting in class and the teacher took his phone from him (those are the rules).  I am not sure of what journey the cell phone took after that but the texts kept coming in that day and they were viewed by administration.

Why do some teens seem to forget that when you send a text you are putting your words in writing--permanently?  The same is said for email, Twitter, Facebook, etc., and all the paths that are stored on a computer.  Do we need to put a tattoo on their hand as a visual symbol of its public permanence? 

We have had conversations with our kids for years about this.  The conversations need to begin early and they bear repeating.

We have told our sons so many times about how things are different these days with no tolerance by schools and law enforcement.  We both have stories of our teen days--back then when police appeared kids were told to scram and get on home.....or an athlete may be told he has to skip starting the next three games.....but how it is not that way anymore.  How one mistake can be so costly.  And how weed/drugs is against the law.  Agree with the law or not for adults--today it is illegal.  I don't want my children to have a record.  There are a lot of changes between the years of my 10th grade son and my 5th grade son.


The incident at the high school involved 17 boys and 2 girls.  After the 12th grader's cell phone was confiscated, the texts kept coming asking for him to sell them some weed (who knows what else.  IN WRITING.  From cell phones for which parents are usually paying the bill.  And not even in code such as "Dude, are you going to the store tonight?"  In plain, permanent English words. 

These students looked like and talked like everyone's kids (none I have ever met before).  There were athletic kids on sports teams, different genders, different races, born in different countries, in varied academic classes, and they all have phones attached to their hands like an appendage.

Two boys had sports scholarships waiting at colleges for this August.  Those are gone now.  Several of these students are now kicked out of school, and not to return, five weeks before high school graduation.  Some are only getting suspended for a week and will come back because they had no prior record.  Another conversation with our boys on that: every choice made has consequences--maybe two years later.  Administration reviewed who has never been in trouble previously, and being in trouble is documentation in your file such as a fight with another kid at school.

After we first heard about this incident from our son (and I am so glad that he talks to us about what he hears at school but know it's a percentage of what we could know) we talked about how it must be remembered that there is no privacy.  Who would have ever thought I'd be looking at my son who is the same exact size as me and state that other than in his bed and in the bathroom, let's be clear that there is no privacy at home or on the items for which we are paying the bills. 

Do you think some parents need to check their kids' texts? Email?  Facebook?  And at what age?

I know someone whose 7th grade daughter has put a passcode on her own phone and wouldn't give the passcode to my friend (her mom).  We asked our sons for their phones and they handed them over.  We are the strictest parents ever.

Which means......it is not easy.  Hasn't been the past couple weeks (the incident at the high school with some other students was an opportunity to learn lots in our family).  Although I have officially achieved Hag-dom in the looks department, and that it sure would be nice to let everyone in our house do their own thing and I'd have much easier days and nights, I will take the route Hubs and I have chosen in an effort to parent the best way we know how, and help our boys develop good character and good choices.