The Not So Secret Life of the Teenager

A couple of weeks ago our 10th grade son told us about a big incident going on at high school that involved 11th and 12th graders.  A 12th grade boy was texting in class and the teacher took his phone from him (those are the rules).  I am not sure of what journey the cell phone took after that but the texts kept coming in that day and they were viewed by administration.

Why do some teens seem to forget that when you send a text you are putting your words in writing--permanently?  The same is said for email, Twitter, Facebook, etc., and all the paths that are stored on a computer.  Do we need to put a tattoo on their hand as a visual symbol of its public permanence? 

We have had conversations with our kids for years about this.  The conversations need to begin early and they bear repeating.

We have told our sons so many times about how things are different these days with no tolerance by schools and law enforcement.  We both have stories of our teen days--back then when police appeared kids were told to scram and get on home.....or an athlete may be told he has to skip starting the next three games.....but how it is not that way anymore.  How one mistake can be so costly.  And how weed/drugs is against the law.  Agree with the law or not for adults--today it is illegal.  I don't want my children to have a record.  There are a lot of changes between the years of my 10th grade son and my 5th grade son.


The incident at the high school involved 17 boys and 2 girls.  After the 12th grader's cell phone was confiscated, the texts kept coming asking for him to sell them some weed (who knows what else.  IN WRITING.  From cell phones for which parents are usually paying the bill.  And not even in code such as "Dude, are you going to the store tonight?"  In plain, permanent English words. 

These students looked like and talked like everyone's kids (none I have ever met before).  There were athletic kids on sports teams, different genders, different races, born in different countries, in varied academic classes, and they all have phones attached to their hands like an appendage.

Two boys had sports scholarships waiting at colleges for this August.  Those are gone now.  Several of these students are now kicked out of school, and not to return, five weeks before high school graduation.  Some are only getting suspended for a week and will come back because they had no prior record.  Another conversation with our boys on that: every choice made has consequences--maybe two years later.  Administration reviewed who has never been in trouble previously, and being in trouble is documentation in your file such as a fight with another kid at school.

After we first heard about this incident from our son (and I am so glad that he talks to us about what he hears at school but know it's a percentage of what we could know) we talked about how it must be remembered that there is no privacy.  Who would have ever thought I'd be looking at my son who is the same exact size as me and state that other than in his bed and in the bathroom, let's be clear that there is no privacy at home or on the items for which we are paying the bills. 

Do you think some parents need to check their kids' texts? Email?  Facebook?  And at what age?

I know someone whose 7th grade daughter has put a passcode on her own phone and wouldn't give the passcode to my friend (her mom).  We asked our sons for their phones and they handed them over.  We are the strictest parents ever.

Which means......it is not easy.  Hasn't been the past couple weeks (the incident at the high school with some other students was an opportunity to learn lots in our family).  Although I have officially achieved Hag-dom in the looks department, and that it sure would be nice to let everyone in our house do their own thing and I'd have much easier days and nights, I will take the route Hubs and I have chosen in an effort to parent the best way we know how, and help our boys develop good character and good choices.

Part Two: It's Been Over a Week Since Easter

I thought I'd save a photo of the Easter eggs because this part of the tradition is on its last l'egg:

Youngest insisted he still wanted to dye eggs with me and so we did on Saturday night.  On Sunday it was obvious to me that hunting for eggs was borderline ridiculous with a 10th grader and an 8th grader so for the first time ever I said that an egg with a rubberband around it would get you $10.  Youngest found it almost immediately and everyone thought he must have peeked somehow.

I thought the below was so crazy different looking from years past that I took a picture of it.  Here we have a 5'8" eighth grader all in black collecting eggs. 

The 10th grader quit as soon as the 5th grader found the $10 egg.  So that is the end of that chapter of How We Celebrate Easter.  And that is OK.  But they still wanted Easter baskets filled with chocolate and mint gum for the older ones (god forbid they have bad breath at school).  And Youngest got Oldest's choc bunny because he eats all healthy now and didn't want it.

Late in the afternoon Hubs and I went for a walk around the 'hood.  When we returned Youngest was crying.  Something was wrong with his hamster.

He got to pick out a hamster at the pet store about 1.5 years ago for a birthday present.  This is one boy who loves pets and who has parents that love pets but had two dogs and two cats pre-kids during kid toddler years and whose pets died of old age and whose pets were the parents' "children" pre-kids and whose pets were so wonderful that they broke my heart with their passing and whose yard for past 6 years since pets died is not fenced, and whose male parent is a neat freak and pets just won't fit anymore these days.

His hamster pet was like a dog to him.  His hamster had been a big part of our morning.  As you perhaps can tell, I am cherishing my Youngest a lot these days because I have seen the ways of high schooler and it is not pretty nor easy nor restful and I cherish my time with Youngest, and our mornings alone include bringing the hamster in his cage every morning to the kitchen during breakfast and lunch making and the hammy gets treats and climbs his cage walls.  After school he goes straight to his hammy and then at bedtime is seed treat time and maybe some hammy-plastic-ball-playtime action.

I've told him before that hammies do not live much past 2 or 2.5 years and we've talked about it and Youngest would say that when that time came he'd know that his hammy had a really good hamster life.

We'd noticed that for a few weeks the hamster's fur was getting thin and he was looking scrawny.  When we walked in the door and found Youngest crying that something was wrong with the hamster, which was on its side, the hamster lived for about 10 more minutes.  I'm feeling a little awkward writing this, with so much else going on in our lives, but it was painful and yet I was amazed at how Youngest was expressing himself and was decisive.  He was comforted some that his hammy had him there the last hour.  He said he was glad that his hammy positioned himself on his side when he died to make it look like he was sleeping.  and he wanted to bury him in the yard asap and he decided right away where to bury him and he liked that I quickly found a raisin box in the pantry and he added some favorite treats.  We all went out front and his middle brother dug a grave next to a bird bath where Youngest directed.  And yours truly went through about 5 Kleenexes.  And then more as we talked at bedtime and he said he was the best hammy in the world and could never be replaced.

The next morning was Monday and after Youngest went to school I had to get ready toward the end of the day to drive to the airport for a one night trip for work (first out of town trip since November), so I left him a note on his pillow--and I don't know what made me think of this since we have never discussed this ever--but I suggested that we make a "garden stone" that he can decorate for hammy.  I really hated going out of town and if you can believe it I felt his pain so much I was even teary on the flight over it.  Thank god that Hubs--who does not spend time with him in his room at bedtime like I do--did so in my absence.

Youngest really liked the stepping stone idea so the next Saturday we went to the craft store and got a kit and bought extra stones because he knew he wanted to make an image of the brown hammy with a black stripe down his back.

It was a great project for him for The Best Hammy Ever and things are better now over a week later (even though I used two Kleenexes as I wrote this so I am a mess).

It's Been a Week Since Easter But I Still Need To Talk About It

It was a beautiful Easter weekend weather wise.  I did take Youngest horseback riding on Saturday.  In fact, it was his second visit that week to Dahlonega, about an hour at the most, north of Atlanta.  When our middle son was in 5th grade he had an excellent field trip to the town of Dahlonega in the Georgia mountains--it's where the first Gold Rush in the U.S. of magnitude took place beginning 1828.  In fact the gold found there was some of the purest in the world and although there was gold from Virginia to Alabama, a large stretch was in GA on Cherokee land.  Its gold leaf covers the Capital dome in downtown Atlanta.  It was a U.S. mint for a while.  And sadly it was where thousands of Cherokee people lived and were forced to leave via the Trail of Tears.  So Hubs had the week off and they went to a gold mine to learn the history (it was one of about 400 mines from back then) and they also hiked to some water falls nearby.

I had promised Youngest that we would go horseback riding and had been researching where we'd go.  There are several places I could have chosen that would be a 1.5 hour drive but I chose a place near Dahlonega, which takes about an hour.  First we went to the town square and visited the old courthouse and museum and then we drove to the horseback riding place for our 4:00 pm ride.


This was his third time riding, having gone with all five of us once for a camping/Father's Day/My birthday weekend camping trip when he was about 6 years old and also another time with just me and two of the boys in NC.  This turned out to be our least favorite ride.  The trail ride was made up of two workers, a mom with two young sons, a mom and dad with a boy and girl, a single couple in their 20's, and us.  They picked out a horse for each of us and one at a time we waited on our horse in a line until everyone was ready.


At the end of the line was a worker, then the single couple, then me, then my son, then the family of four was in front of us and so on.  Just as we were about to get started, there was an incident with the girl (about age 7) in the family of four in front of us.  I looked ahead and saw the girl on the ground, crying.  Youngest told me later he saw the whole thing.  Her horse was right up the butt of the next horse (we were not moving) and her horse didn't rear but raised its head up really high, moving left and right, and the girl slid off.  The two workers in the front and back got off their horses and came over and a third came over as well--I think were pretty surprised at this.  They apologized and most likely wanted the trail ride to resume.  I don't think the girl had her feet in the stirrups at the time.


She was fine but there was a lot of crying and then parenting discussions.  The mom suggested at first that she (Mom) and Daughter stay behind, and let Dad ans son continue.  The dad said nothing--I could tell he really wanted to ride.  Then Mom suggested that the girl ride Mom's horse and the mom would walk next to her.  So that is what happened.  So for our one hour ride, Youngest and I were on our horses walking BEHIND a walking woman and I must say it slowed everyone down.  And the whole time I saw that this girl didn't have her feet in the stirrups at all as they were at a length for the mom, whose horse it was, and no one had adjusted those stirrups.  The workers were none older than 19 years old.  As I am writing this I think they should have told her that no walkers are allowed.


I remembered that when Youngest first rode he was maybe 6 yrs old and I now realize how much better and organized that worker/stable was.  Their rule due to Youngest being young, was that his horse was tied next to the leader's horse.  We got to cross a creek and our horses drank and we had some elevation (beautiful scenery) and the horses were excited to get back to their corral that the end and they actually trotted and some cantered so that was fun (although Hubs complained about his anatomy and has never ridden again).  Eldest has not either because his horse kept trying to bite his own human ankle.  It was in TN just over the GA state line.


So back to the Georgia mountains horseback riding story....since we were going so slow I had plenty of time to gaze all around and often when I looked behind me, I saw the twenty-something female on her horse.  Texting.  Yes, this gal was reading and texting while on an hour-long horseback ride.


Now here I have only written about Saturday and really meant to write about Sunday.  I'll be back.

Maybe the Moon Will Still Look Full Tonight

Last night was the full moon for April, called the Full Pink Moon.

Everything here has bloomed about 2 or 3 weeks earlier than usual.  One weekend flew by and I missed enjoying the dogwood trees.  But our roses are so very happy.  Roses love being next to a brick wall.

We have all sorts of colors of roses and they usually first appear April 15th.  I don't do anything to maintain them--that is what Hubs does.  He tell me he sprays them with anti-fungus solution every week and a half.  It's been spring break here and we rarely go out of town -- now with high school baseball there are three games and they make it very clear the players cannot take the week off.

But I have been working every day--I work at home.  I have been at my new job for 6 months and boy it is consuming.  There are a million systems to know, 50 emails a day, meetings to attend almost every day (all virtual), clients to service and now a new client to visit in Salt Lake City this week (am very anxious about flying of course).  The days fly by because of course I have two jobs.......work, and everything it takes to run a house, cook, clean and manage three boys.  I couldn't do it if I was commuting, so I am so happy even though I have little time for me (some things never change).

The boys are driven places during the week and then we do things at night.  Until now we haven't had time to use the restaurant gift cards from my 15 yr old and 14 yr old to me for Christmas so we made dates for that and I enjoyed them so much one-on-one.  The 15 yr old drove me to the restaurant and I was good--I didn't even gasp one time. 

We've been to a couple high school baseball games and saw the coach (he is just 23 yrs old) get ejected by the ump for mouthing off, saw our son pitch and caught up on some movies.  We all watched War Horse together (a fitting end to the last boy in our house now finishing 5th grade and has learned and taught me about WWI) and Hubs and I watched other movies such as The Descendants (a rental recommendation too) and some raunchy stuff we have to watch really late.  For example, last night we watched Girl with a Dragon Tattoo and got started at 11:00 pm because I didn't want Youngest around. 

Today is egg dye-ing as I was told by Youngest that he would still like to do this and  the two of us are going horseback riding later in the GA mountains (no one else wants to).

Hope all is well for you under this spring's full pink moon (named for the pink flora).