Last weekend my Middle School Son (MS Son) asked if we could go get a haircut and for him to buy himself a new skateboard. We never got around to the haircut and since there were sports going on every night of the week I suggested that we make Thursday night a date in which we would go out to eat and get his haircut. In an earlier post I described how one Christmas, Hubs had each boy pick out a gift card to a restaurant and as gifts to me we started our one-on-one date night tradition (if any of you want me to call your Hubs to give him the hint about this suggestion just let me know). :-) A few times a year I set up one-on-one time with the 3 boys, and especially with MS Son as the other two boys, simply by being Youngest and Oldest, get constant attention.
One day this week, MS Son walked into the kitchen and it seemed he grew even more overnight. This time last year I wrote about the measuring stick incident, and we’ve been consistently using the Christmas gift measuring stick. Yep, he grew a quarter of an inch in 11 days, and 2 inches over past six months. He is 12.8 years old, and although he and my 14 year old son are still three inches shorter than I am, this can’t be true for long. MS Son’s voice is changing too. I mention this because my Oldest and Middle sons are 20 months apart but physically catching up faster.
So last night I get home from work and we first go to the skateboard store to get a missing screw fixed and to look at shoes. In the car I noticed he was more quiet than usual. We went to one of those pizza buffet places where you get all-you-can-eat salad and a variety of pizza. I noticed all of my attempts at conversation were answered with one or two words. I asked if anything was wrong and he said no. I asked about school, sports, friends, books and the food.
Well, it occurred to me that either something is wrong, or this is just another change along with fuzz appearing on his upper lip.
Truth be told I was hurt that he didn’t want to talk to me. My High School Son was never a big talker with me, and we have a different type of cerebral bond, but MS Son was always more openly affectionate.
After we got back home I pulled Hubs aside all distressed and said, “You HAVE to talk to MS Son because he had nothing to say to me at dinner or in the car and maybe something is wrong?!?” And Hubs (being a guy) said, “It’s his age and he is changing so much right now.” (Hmmmmph. So, no lengthy discourse about it; he always cuts to the chase and is usually spot-on).
It makes me think of a recent post from this blogger, who has two sons younger than mine, and wrote about how we moms may project our own (gender-based?) feelings or dramatics onto our sons’ day-to-day situations, where perhaps no drama needs to exist or exists.
So perhaps these boys are way less complicated than I would imagine. I need to be their mother, and if they do not feel like being talkative, I need to chill. And think of things like this: I have been blessed with back-to-school clothes purchasing needs sans any drama – just bunches of new shorts, t-shirts, socks and boxers, one pair of shoes, matching shampoo and conditioner in the shower, whatever deodorant I buy them as long as it’s not Axe anymore, some Neutrogena face wash and they’re good to go each day.
Perhaps MS Son just had one of those days, and I’m sure there will be more. He was more talkative this morning and I know he is glad that we have our time together in the morning before he heads to the bus and I then make the mad dash to get ready myself. I know he’ll get back to giving me more of the deets of his days that I crave soon.
11 comments:
My daughter is mostly talkative when she is around me. It is like when she doesn't want to talk any more, then she disappears. My middle child is a tween and still wants to talk and hang out, but really, all kids are different. And whether it is a male or female, sometimes they just don't want to talk about it. But, for me, it is hard not to worry or take it personally when someone is like that.
Some cleaving has to occur. It is the natural order of things. But like the previous commenter said, it is so hard not to take things personally that should not be.
So funny you posted this. I was just discussing with some friends at football practice how my 8 year old son (only son) tells me nothing. Getting details about his life without me is like torture. But when he wants to talk he is great. He is animated, informative, and entertaining. Like you I just need to chill and let my son be my son.
Thanks for the post. I always love affirmation!
My 8yr old grandson is already going thru this. He will come in from school either talkative and loving, or issue a quick 'hi' and disappear into his room with nary a word from him for the next hour. I was already projecting to when he turns 13 or 16 with this behavior, while what I should do is just chill and watch things play out, being their and open when he's wanting to interact! I remember when my daughter hit 12ish and how personal I took it when she took to disappearing into her room and I was left with silence, or having to pull words from her at the dinner table. But thinking back to when I was that same age, hmmmm....
Conversations with my kids come and go. Sometimes they just say "I don't feel like talking," and we just sit in silence. Other times, they talk so much I want to ask them to stop. But I don't and I remind myself of the days when they don't want to talk.
There's a definite flow of when my nearly-14-year-old boy will talk and when he won't. And I just have to constantly remind myself that it's not me so much as him. Yeah, that's how I get through those non-talking days.
These are the times that test moms' souls.
In the meantime, I'm working on a mind-reading machine.
Oh, my. My heart just breaks seeing that photo of your big boy. It goes by so fast.
You know I hear you.
xoxoxoxo for the linky love. I was comforted in the knowledge that I'm not the only one who "chicks it up." :-) Hope you are too.
My oldest boy is the quiet introspective type and I always feel the need to reach out and try to get him to talk - he usually tells me everything's fine :) and when he does want to chat, I do my best to listen - he sort of gets lost in the shuffle a bit, as he is the thinker of the bunch. The girls really make up for it in the thought sharing department though :)
So - November - are you up for a visit to VA? Laura says she is, and the 2nd weekend works for her. Let me know if you're in! Have a great week - hope you're feeling better by now!
Amiable dispatch and this mail helped me alot in my college assignement. Gratefulness you for your information.
Post a Comment