Time and Tide of the Hormones

Except for bad weather, on Sunday mornings my husband and I walk alone together about 1.5 miles to a gas station and buy the Sunday paper. Once back home I make coffee, cook a big breakfast, throw the kids the sports section, Best Buy and Sports Authority and Target flyers and shoo them out of the kitchen so that we can have some quiet time and not hear the oldest two constantly contradicting each other.

This past Sunday it felt too cold and Hubs said he would drive to get the paper (we only get the Sunday paper and no longer subscribe to it thinking it would be some exercise we could do together). That was fine with me and I lounged around with coffee, folding laundry, picking up messes, the usual.

After about 25 MINUTES it suddenly occurred to me that driving 1.5 miles and back would have taken a lot less time than this and where was he? Of course he left his cell phone on the counter at home. I waited 5 minutes with my heart beating faster. I stood in the garage and looked up the street. He had taken our 3rd vehicle: a very small, older truck that replaced the bigger truck that combusted last year. I then heard sirens possibly several blocks away and panicked. I imagined that a bigger vehicle collided with him in an intersection. I ran in the house and up to the bedroom to fling off my pink and purple fuzzy socks, change out of my flannel pajama bottoms and threw on a sweatshirt over my t-shirt to cover up my breastesses because I was convinced that I would need to look halfway presentable as I was going to surely come upon a wreck and then have to get out of my car.

In just a couple of minutes I had all these thoughts: I cannot possibly deal with life without him—I cannot raise these 3 boys alone—I cannot cope with my upper-generational family without his rational support—I cannot possibly have this happen to us. I think years ago once at night I got scared like this. But this was not a usual feeling, definitely not a routine for me to freak out like this. Truth be told, I recall a couple years ago being so mad at him that I wished he’d go away. What a roller-coaster marriage can be. Anyway, one out of three boys was awake but down in the basement so I just yelled something about being back shortly.

I backed out of the driveway and headed down the street. Here comes Hubs in the little, old truck. We both slow down. We stop and lower our windows. He has a puzzled smile such as, “Were you really looking for me, but maybe you have some other reason to be flying down the road with your hair still in last night’s ponytail and no lip gloss.”

I told him I thought he was smooshed in an intersection because surely it didn’t take this long to get the Sunday paper. Well he had decided to go to Home Depot as well and beat the weekend traffic. So we both pulled our cars back into the driveway and continued on with our Sunday routine.

So you know what’s going on with me? It’s hormones. They are a-changin. For a month now, especially in the mornings and evenings, I will get a flush of heat across my back and arms. I’ll wake up in the a.m. and not even care that Hubs has all the covers pulled off of me because I don’t need them at all. I have a sister-in-law (SIL) who is about 8 years older than I am. Well I have several of them—I am sure we’ll have lots of conversations on this at Thanksgiving. Anyway I remember a few years back (before I could relate) that she was insane with worries. She had a new licensed daughter driving and when my SIL would hear sirens she’d freak and with her hospital job would hear of a young driver accident victim arriving in the ER and panic.

The other day I said out loud at home, “Oh my gosh I’m so hotttt!!!” and my 13 yr old turned around and said, “What?” And I said, “You know how your hormones are changing because you are going through puberty and so your systems are revving up and trying to figure out the right chemical balance for your growing body???? Well mine did too once but now 35 years later my hormones are all changing again which happens when you get older!!!”” (I really need to pick my audience better).

And this is going to take years, people. I think I am going to be pre-menopausal for years. And guess who will be a new driver in the house in about 2.5 years? And then another son will be driving 20 months after that. And then another 2.8 years after him. I'd better keep my gas tank full and my tennis shoes ready for all the panic-driven stunts I have yet to do. (photo found under Google Images under "premenopausal woman)